Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Fasten Your Seatbelts, This Life is Moving




I was thinking this morning about how everything passes. Life as a mother is kind of a new thing, daily. It has been for me, anyway.

This is true for the hard things, just as true as it is for the really beautiful things. For months, Jerome would come straight to our bed in the morning to quietly snuggle before I finally dragged myself out of bed. At some point, he stopped coming. Babies, who seem to be endlessly and wonderfully little, are suddenly not so small anymore. Crawling and babble and cribs are fleeting.

The tantrum stages, for my kids, come and go with growth spurts and depending on the quality of sleep they are getting. The nursing stage, the diaper stage, both bittersweet; they pass. As does pregnancy, clinginess, dependence.

The days that pass with my two sweet boys, peaceful as they play together, read together, not yet having discovered how to fight with each other, these days will all too soon be behind us. As will the days of my very young motherhood, for though I doubt I will ever be as wise as I hope to be, these days of being constantly unsure of myself will surely pass.


Tharin broke his leg a week ago, and it affects us in more ways than we could have predicted. It will pass. This six weeks of Tharin being out-of-commission will someday be a hard memory we look back on, but, even then, memory has a way of dulling the edges.

Most of all, in our home, habits change, routines change, normal changes. The way we do mornings can be drastically different from month to month. My motivation level, how often we leave the house, how clean I keep the house, these things that can start to feel so permanent, shift with the seasons, with hormones, with sleep.

I want to say that there is some poignant lesson behind this post, but mostly I am just stating a fact that has been really apparent to me over the last weeks. When I look at Benedict's photo album and realize he was a tiny baby when we first moved here, that in this house he learnt to crawl, to sit, to walk, it stuns me how quickly these phases pass, because, in many ways, it feels like we have only just moved here.

I want to say that I am determined to appreciate the good moments for how fleeting they are while having the stamina to withstand the hard ones for the same reason. But honestly, while I have this determination today, I know there will come exhausted times, not-wanting-to-get-out-of-bed times, harder-to-pray times, where I will have to come around to this all over again.


While I am not necessarily okay with that - I have often wished I was a really steady person, I have an inkling that this is the just the reality of me being human, especially in this monotonous, changing, growing, indescribably-important job of motherhood. I just need to fasten our seatbelts and enjoy the ride. In the passenger seat, because I am all too aware that I am not, in fact, the driver.

3 comments:

  1. I love this post Olivia. It is all so, so true.

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    1. That was me - Susan Prestash - I don't know how to not be unknown (there must be something profound in that...).

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