We explained the tradition of putting lost teeth in a tooth box under your pillow and having it replaced by money the following day.
Why, he asked, so innocently.
It's something parents decided to start doing to make it feel really special when kids lose their teeth, I explained. Sometimes people say there’s a little fairy, called the tooth fairy, that takes the lost tooth and leaves money behind. But that’s just a fun story. Really, it’s mommy and daddy that will leave the money under your pillow.
Explaining this to him, I thought the entire tradition might feel anticlimactic or unmagical or something along those lines. I was so wrong.
First thing in the morning, he ran into our room. He was ecstatic about the money under his pillow, grateful to Tharin and I, a child in the throes of a magical childhood memory through-and-through.
This Christmas I have seen all kinds of conversations popping up about Santa Claus and how we should respectfully approach this idea with our kids, and I thought I would talk about our approach.
When Jerome was a baby, Tharin and I spent a long time discussing how we would approach this tradition as a family. He had grown up believing in Santa Claus, having had it elaborately perpetuated by his parents, while my parents had been pretty straight-forward: they gave us the gifts, we were grateful to them, not some mythical figure.
I felt I would not be able to, in good consciousness, put such effort into having my children believe in Santa Claus. Having separate wrapping paper, eating cookies, leaving footprints on the roof, organizing the letter writing and receiving, it all just felt completely unnatural to me.
First, children are encouraged to write a list to Santa Claus, shifting their focus to what they want and what they can get. Bringing to mind questions like: What is Santa going to bring me? What have I earned this year? Am I going to get everything I asked for? Am I going to get something better than that other kid from Santa?
Then, children are often threatened into obedience, compliance and submission (whether we think this is what we are doing or not) with the idea that Santa Claus (or the Elf on the Shelf) is watching their behavior with the carrot-on-this-stick-being the presents they asked for. This can be incredibly stressful for children.
4. Creating our own magic:
Last of all, Tharin’s biggest argument when we first began talking about it, was the idea that Christmas magic is so wrapped up in a belief of Santa Claus.
After talking about it, we both came to feel that there was so much magic and imagination to be found at Christmastime, that Santa wasn’t needed for this, afterall.
Explaining this to him, I thought the entire tradition might feel anticlimactic or unmagical or something along those lines. I was so wrong.
First thing in the morning, he ran into our room. He was ecstatic about the money under his pillow, grateful to Tharin and I, a child in the throes of a magical childhood memory through-and-through.
This Christmas I have seen all kinds of conversations popping up about Santa Claus and how we should respectfully approach this idea with our kids, and I thought I would talk about our approach.
When Jerome was a baby, Tharin and I spent a long time discussing how we would approach this tradition as a family. He had grown up believing in Santa Claus, having had it elaborately perpetuated by his parents, while my parents had been pretty straight-forward: they gave us the gifts, we were grateful to them, not some mythical figure.
I felt I would not be able to, in good consciousness, put such effort into having my children believe in Santa Claus. Having separate wrapping paper, eating cookies, leaving footprints on the roof, organizing the letter writing and receiving, it all just felt completely unnatural to me.
Ultimately we decided against being a Santa Claus family.
Here are our reasons.
1. Never lying to our children on purpose:
In every aspect of my children’s lives, I knew I was going to try to be as honest, straight-forward, and unafraid to find the facts, as possible.
We want our children to know they can trust us, to feel we are a safe place. We want them to feel we are an ally they can come to for the truth, to help them to develop strong values and morals, to think about and learn about deep questions together.
What does it communicate to them if they learn when they are eight or nine, as children usually are when they begin to realize that Santa isn’t real, that we had put so much effort into a very convincing lie.
What does it communicate to them if they learn when they are eight or nine, as children usually are when they begin to realize that Santa isn’t real, that we had put so much effort into a very convincing lie.
What else may they start to doubt as truth? What else could they begin to think of as a convincing lie?
2. The real reason for the season:
2. The real reason for the season:
As Catholics, we want there to be a great emphasis on Christ, on the gift of Jesus coming into the world, on the story of his birth at Christmastime.
Our Advent traditions draw our children's focus to preparing for Christ, to what his birth meant for the world, and for us, now.
While we may incorporate secular Christmas traditions into our celebrations and preparations, while we may talk about Santa Claus as a story and in relation to Saint Nicholas, we want to turn our children away from wanting and needing things as much as possible, to what we believe to be the true reason for the season.
3. The not-so-magical underlying themes of Santa Claus:
You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town.
If you think about it, the reality of how we often use Santa Claus in our culture is the opposite of magical.
First, children are encouraged to write a list to Santa Claus, shifting their focus to what they want and what they can get. Bringing to mind questions like: What is Santa going to bring me? What have I earned this year? Am I going to get everything I asked for? Am I going to get something better than that other kid from Santa?
Then, children are often threatened into obedience, compliance and submission (whether we think this is what we are doing or not) with the idea that Santa Claus (or the Elf on the Shelf) is watching their behavior with the carrot-on-this-stick-being the presents they asked for. This can be incredibly stressful for children.
Because we ultimately believe in supporting our children's emotions, in focussing on their underlying needs over their behaviors, and on offering them unconditional love and acceptance, the idea of holding the privilege of gifts over their heads felt like the opposite of respectful.
How much more magical, and beautiful for them to know that the presents they open under the tree were placed there by parents who know them, who observe their interests, who care deeply about them, and love them no matter what, than that they had to act a certain way to earn them?
4. Creating our own magic:
Last of all, Tharin’s biggest argument when we first began talking about it, was the idea that Christmas magic is so wrapped up in a belief of Santa Claus.
After talking about it, we both came to feel that there was so much magic and imagination to be found at Christmastime, that Santa wasn’t needed for this, afterall.
Similiar to the story I shared at the beginning about Jerome and the tooth fairy, childhood magic has so much more to do with their relationship with us, with how they are able to truly use their imaginations, and with the kinds of memories they make.
Some ways to create Christmas magic for your children without Santa Claus:
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. I would also love to hear any suggestions for posts you would like me to write about. And if you are interested in following along in our daily adventures, follow us on Instagram where I post daily.
God bless,
Olivia Fischer
- Creating holiday traditions (like baking, reading familiar Christmas books, listening to music, burning candles, making gifts for others, decorating, driving around to look at lights, watching Christmas movies)
- Creating the sense of anticipation and preparation with Advent calendars, a Christmas chain, stories you read each day
- Having deep, honest conversations
- Letting kids make up their own games about Santa Claus
- Acting out the nativity, having a nativity set they can play with and set up in their own way
- Celebrating St. Nicholas’ feast day, St Lucias day, or other feasts and celebrations that fall during the Christmas season
- Talking about the origins of Santa Claus, learning about the North Pole, reindeer, etc
- Focusing on the true joy that comes from having an understanding of Christmas that stems from our faith, and the beauty of God’s fulfilled promise at Christmas
What are your thoughts on the Santa Claus question? What tradition does your family follow? If your kids believe in Santa Claus, are you able to pinpoint why it matters to you?
God bless,
Olivia Fischer
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