Last, in my potty learning series, I wanted to give you an overview of what potty learning looked like for us, from start to finish. Hopefully, these same steps will be successful for your child.
Following the specific needs of both Jerome and Benedict through their potty learning journey, I have found that these steps have worked wonderfully in providing both them and Tharin and I, with a positive toileting experience.
In fact, as we begin again at step one with Ignatius, gently introducing him to the concept of using the toilet, I am excited to go through this process once again.
Yes, excited.
If that seems totally foreign to you, I encourage you to do some research on Montessori potty learning, and find a way to make it work for your family. I promise you it will completely transform your toileting.
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* This post includes affiliate links at no cost to you. The Fishies in a Row earns a small commission on products purchased through these links and are so thankful for your support.
Step 1: If you are using a child-sized potty, have it available for the child to become comfortable with, even before you are actively pursuing potty learning. If you are using the regular toilet, have the training seat and stool available.
We do all of our diaper changes in the bathroom, so after a change, and before or after a bath, we encourage the child to sit on the potty, just to become familiar with it.
Set up the bathroom for independence in any other way that is necessary. If your child cannot reach the light switch, consider getting a light switch extender, set up a hand washing station or provide a stool for your child to reach the sink for hand washing.
If using a child-sized potty like this one, I encourage you to keep it in the bathroom, rather than moving it around the house, such as in front of the tv if your child is watching a show, or in the kitchen while you make supper. Moving the potty around the house is generally discouraged in Montessori potty learning, as the child should associate relieving themselves with going to the bathroom, and should always know the potty is there in the bathroom if they need to use it.
Love this bathroom set up from How We Montessori.
Step 2: Is your child showing signs of readiness? If so, it may be time to allow them to spend time each day naked from the waist down.
You can definitely skip this step if you would like, and go straight to step three, but I find that after a few weeks of experiencing their body processes in this way, the child is much more prepared to move on.
As an obvious note, there will be plenty of wet spots on the floor at this phase - embrace them! This is an integral part of the learning process.
My reasoning for this step is that it helps the child have more success in the end because:
- Of not having any clothing to remove if they do manage to make it to the bathroom
- It helps them understand the process, from the sensation of needing to pee to what happens when they do go.
When your child is going bare, make sure to bring them to the toilet as often as you find they need to go, but make this a really gentle process.
Instead of saying, do you need to go to the bathroom say:
it is time to try sitting on the potty
or mommy needs to go to the bathroom. Come with me, and you can try going to the bathroom as well.
If your child protests, don't force them. Even if you know they will likely have an accident. It can feel frustrating, but this is part of the process.
Step 3: Once your child seems to have grasped the concept of what happens when they feel the sensation to pee, and what happens when they release, they are ready to start wearing training pants, which will make it possible for your child to feel if they have wet themselves, and will help them to learn it is preferable to have dry pants.
There will be lots of wet pants at this stage, and just as I encouraged you not to sweat the floor accidents, try not to sweat the wet pants.
Last of all, I also have found it is important to give your child choice at every step of the learning process, especially this step. Every morning, and after any accidents, I ask the child if they would like to choose underwear or a diaper.
Be comfortable with your child choosing whatever they feel they need to at that time, if they choose to wear a diaper, know that that is okay, and they will have the choice to use underwear again when they are ready.
Step 4: Transition your child to wearing pants full time at home. Start with elastic waist pants when possible, and for girls, avoid anything too fussy like dresses and tights.
Be consistent, consider having your child wear underwear even when you leave the house:
Extra Step: Is your child consistently making it to the potty for number one, but having a lot of misses for number two?
I have found it helpful to observe my child, and know when they often eliminate their bowels, and encourage trying to go to the bathroom at this time. This might even look like having a bath at this time, bringing a stack of books to read in the bathroom, and otherwise being near the potty so they are close when they need to be.
My children always get their big business out of the way first thing in the morning, so I just tried to make sure we were in the bathroom when they woke up. One morning with Jerome, the first time he went poop on the potty without me encouraging him, I stuck him in the bath and then I organized the bathroom cupboards for an hour until he got out of the tub and went poop on the potty on his own initiative. He was incredibly independent and just needed the space to figure it out on his own.
Step 5: Night time training. Just as you need to communicate an attitude of trust and competency to your child by leaving the house in training pants early on, I suggest doing the same for night time - especially if your child is asking to wear underwear at night time.
As soon as your child is showing the capability to hold their bladders for an extended period of time, I suggest preparing their bed for potty learning and allowing them to choose to wear underwear to bed. As with every step of the process, this helps with consistency.
How can you prepare your child's bed for this step? Have a mattress protector of some kind down on their bed (I used a wool blanket for Jerome), and have clean sheets, underwear, and pajamas ready in a basket to prepare for any nighttime accidents.
Are you just getting started? Find links here:
Underwear here
Learning toilet options here | here
Books to read to normalize toiletting here | here
Mat to give everything a place here
Basket for new underwear here
Bucket for dirty underwear here
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. I would also love to hear any suggestions for posts you would like me to write about. And if you are interested in following along in our daily adventures, follow us on Instagram where I post daily.
God bless,
Olivia Fischer
There will be lots of wet pants at this stage, and just as I encouraged you not to sweat the floor accidents, try not to sweat the wet pants.
- Have a basket in the bathroom with new training pants and diapers, a designated bucket for wet pants and underwear, and cloths or wipes for cleaning up spills. Know exactly how you plan to clean up accidents wherever they may happen, to reduce the stress in the moment.
- Organize everything in a way that gives everything a place with a towel underneath or a mat like this one.
- Keep an eye on the clock to make sure you are encouraging bathroom visits as often as your child needs. Ask your child every hour or so (depending on how long they tend to hold between needing to go) if they need to go to the potty, in a similar way that I described above.
- If they say no and do not want to go to the bathroom, trust them and say something like: if you don't need to go pee, that's okay. I know you know what it feels like when you have pee in your body.
- Avoid praise when they make it to the potty, and disappointment or shame if they don't. Avoiding extra attention will help the child to understand it is natural, that there is no pressure, that you trust they are perfectly capable, and empower them to go at their natural pace.
A simple bathroom basket at The Free Child Blog
Be comfortable with your child choosing whatever they feel they need to at that time, if they choose to wear a diaper, know that that is okay, and they will have the choice to use underwear again when they are ready.
Step 4: Transition your child to wearing pants full time at home. Start with elastic waist pants when possible, and for girls, avoid anything too fussy like dresses and tights.
Be consistent, consider having your child wear underwear even when you leave the house:
- You may wish to stay home for a period of time at this phase, but I suggest being consistent in using training pants even when you leave the house. We make sure to use the potty at each new stop (For example when you get to the library: it is time to use the potty. After we are finished in the bathroom, we will have time to go pick out some books.)
- I know, having your child go out in training pants, even from the beginning, sounds risky, but I have found the consistency of using training pants even outside of the house further communicates to the child that you trust them and that they are competent.
- As long as you are sure to go to the bathroom as often as your child needs, and prepare for accidents on the occasion they do not make it (place a pad in their seat if you need, have a change of clothes, and wet wipes if necessary), wearing training pants out of the house should not be so very different than in the house.
Extra Step: Is your child consistently making it to the potty for number one, but having a lot of misses for number two?
I have found it helpful to observe my child, and know when they often eliminate their bowels, and encourage trying to go to the bathroom at this time. This might even look like having a bath at this time, bringing a stack of books to read in the bathroom, and otherwise being near the potty so they are close when they need to be.
My children always get their big business out of the way first thing in the morning, so I just tried to make sure we were in the bathroom when they woke up. One morning with Jerome, the first time he went poop on the potty without me encouraging him, I stuck him in the bath and then I organized the bathroom cupboards for an hour until he got out of the tub and went poop on the potty on his own initiative. He was incredibly independent and just needed the space to figure it out on his own.
Step 5: Night time training. Just as you need to communicate an attitude of trust and competency to your child by leaving the house in training pants early on, I suggest doing the same for night time - especially if your child is asking to wear underwear at night time.
As soon as your child is showing the capability to hold their bladders for an extended period of time, I suggest preparing their bed for potty learning and allowing them to choose to wear underwear to bed. As with every step of the process, this helps with consistency.
How can you prepare your child's bed for this step? Have a mattress protector of some kind down on their bed (I used a wool blanket for Jerome), and have clean sheets, underwear, and pajamas ready in a basket to prepare for any nighttime accidents.
- At first, I wake the child up one or two times every night, before my husband and I head to bed for the night. (But if you find your child is having accidents even after that, I would suggest setting an alarm and getting them up an additional time between your bedtime and wake time.)
- After a few weeks of this, I start skipping the wake-ups, especially if the child begins waking themselves up to pee. If they have accidents the nights that you skip, continue waking them for several more weeks, and check again.
- If your child wakes up wet, be gentle. Change them, change their bed if necessary (or lay a towel down as we sometimes do if it isn't a huge amount of wet), and settle them back down. If this happens several nights in a row, consider setting an alarm or two as I suggested above.
- If your child is consistently wetting the bed, I do suggest getting some kind of special nighttime underwear, like these cloth pull-ups or regular pull-ups.
Are you just getting started? Find links here:
Underwear here
Learning toilet options here | here
Books to read to normalize toiletting here | here
Mat to give everything a place here
Basket for new underwear here
Bucket for dirty underwear here
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. I would also love to hear any suggestions for posts you would like me to write about. And if you are interested in following along in our daily adventures, follow us on Instagram where I post daily.
God bless,
Olivia Fischer
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