Potty Learning with Montessori | The Distinction between Potty Learning and Potty Training

In the our potty learning 2.0 series, following Benedict's progress as he has learned to use the potty on his own, I have discussed signs of readiness, what we do to start, how to have a no pressure attitude and why praise and rewards are not recommended.

And to read how to approach Montessori potty learning from start to finish go here.

Next, I wanted to talk about the difference between potty learning and potty training.

First of all, if you are trying to get your child using the potty by a set timeline, like the start of preschool, before a new sibling is born, or by a certain age, Montessori potty learning likely will not

Unlike the mainstream advice on potty training promising to have your child trained in three days or on a similar timeline, Montessori potty learning is about following your child's learning process. This process will look wildly different based on the child, taking anywhere from a week to a year for the child to understand from start to finish.

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Does the Distinction between Training and Learning Really Matter?

The first thing you will notice about Montessori toileting is the emphasis on the term learning rather than training. 

Does this distinction really matter?

It does, because of one major difference between the two methods: the attitude of the adult.

• In traditional potty training methods, the adult attempts to train the child through a reward system, positively reinforcing the expected behavior (successfully using the toilet) and potentially acting negatively toward misses.
• Toilet training places the parent in a place of personal responsibility over a process they have little control of resulting in an attitude of stress, disappointment, frustration, and even fear, from the parent.

• In Montessori toilet learning, the child learns at their own pace, following a learning curve that is personal to that child.
• The attitude of the parent is one of support and trust, with an effort to understand and follow the child, removing personal responsibility on the part of the parent.
• Montessori parents avoid placing pressure on the process through rewards, praise, and punishment, allowing the child space to feel pride in their own accomplishment and responsible for their own learning journey.
• Misses are dealt with in a calm manner, seen as another part of the learning process.

Although Montessori toilet learning undoubtedly takes longer than traditional potty training, I have found it to be a very positive and peaceful process, overall. Taking this perspective on toileting has moved me from a place of stress, worry, and personal responsibility, to a place of observation and trust in my child's ability to learn and master this new skill, like any other.

In the end, using the toilet will be something they have personally learned rather than something they have been trained to do, and that is the biggest reason we need to make this distinction.

We Cannot Do the Learning for Our Child

It was helpful for me to realize that potty learning can be compared to a child learning to crawl, stand, or walk. As encouraging as we may be, offering the support and materials we feel are necessary for our child, in the end, we would never think of rushing our child through learning to control their bodies in these instances.

In a similar way, regardless of our attitude, we cannot do the learning for our children. It is only through their own internal processes that they learn to associate the sensation of needing to pee with transporting their bodies to the toilet, undressing, and successfully using the potty.

Our attitudes, however, affect the child's self-esteem, overall understanding, and impart a positive, or a negative, perspective on using the potty.

Allowing our children to process and follow their own learning curve will allow them to develop a healthy attitude toward using the toilet, and develop an understanding of the process that makes sense to them. 


Are you just getting started? Find links here:

Underwear here
Learning toilet options here | here
Books to read to normalize toiletting here | here
Mat to give everything a place here
Basket for new underwear here
Bucket for dirty underwear here


Thank you for following along with this series. If you are feel you need help discovering your parenting goals and intentions, I am excited to share an exclusive resource I created for the Fishies in a Row email family. Delve into what matters to you, and what your mission is for your family, with the free workbook below. Just click the green bar below to get started!

God bless,
Olivia Fischer