How Can We Help Our Children Reach Normalization

If you, like me, read about normalization and wonder what you can do to help your child. Or if you have a child you would describe with some of the less-than-peaceful descriptions I shared in my last post introducing normalization, and have no faith in the idea of it, know you are definitely not alone.

However, there is so much we can do to help our children develop to the best of their ability, there is so much we can do to guide our children toward normalization.

According to what I have read, the steps we can take as a parent can be narrowed down into three stages.

1. Preparing the guide
2. Observing the child
3. Giving the appropriate help

Preparing the guide

First of all, I would say the most important thing a parent can do is to first study ourselves and discover where we need to grow and heal.

This is hard, in fact, it can be excruciating at times, but it is so crucial.

We need to work toward becoming the best version of ourselves so that we are free to help our children on this journey without bringing our own immaturities, misconceptions, and wounds to the table. It will be an ongoing process, but one that will serve us, and our children, forever.

Once we start this preparation, we are able to look at the ways we hold our children back from having the freedom to work and develop independence.

Observing ourselves as a parent helps us to:

• see where we need to let them work at their own pace, make mistakes and sometimes make a mess

• be more patient with setbacks, with the child's need to do things themselves 

• see where our misconceptions hold us back from seeing our children for who they are and what they are capable of 

• become mindful of areas where we are easily frustrated, impatient, overly helpful, or incapable of seeing our children struggle, as these are all ways we hold our child back from trusting themselves and having the freedom to develop a love for work

• allow our children to develop confidence in themselves (as it ultimately stems from their sense of our confidence in them, first.) Knowing we support and give them the freedom to make safe decisions for themselves is the surest way to guide them towards self-confidence and ultimately, self-discipline.

Observing the child

As we step back and observe ourselves, it will also feel more natural to observe our children.

This skill will be essential in our role of protecting our child's love of work and ability to concentrate, especially. When we are in the habit of observing our children, we learn to trust them, to trust how they work, and what they choose. We become more mindful of not disturbing them when they are immersed in work.

Additionally, observation helps us develop an awareness of our children's needs, as we are able to see what our children are interested in, what they gravitate toward, what immerses them, and what they are disinterested in - we are then able to provide them with the necessary means for reaching developmental needs and interests, and potentially redirect.

This leads me to the third area I feel parents can help guide children to normalization.

Giving the appropriate help

What do we do when we see children displaying behaviors that are not considered normalized behaviors? 

Maria Montessori called these deviations and spoke about how all children will have some sort of struggle at different periods of development. If you are interested in learning about deviations, there are lots of places you can read about them online or in Maria Montessori's works. Michael Olaf shares about them in detail in the essay I mentioned above.

In these cases, when we see our children acting out in disobedience or aggression for example, we are able to respond to our children with understanding.

Building on the work we have done in preparing ourselves as the guide and observing our children, we are able to guide them to constructive work or an outlet that will help them to channel their energy in a helpful way.



Last of all, I wanted to share something that was encouraging for me.

"Now we can begin our work. As these moments become more frequent and the concentration more lasting, the child may give up using her old defenses. It is not by reason, nor by threat, nor by begging that she does so. She just doesn't need them anymore because she has less to repress now." Michael Olaf

Our children are meant to develop into contributing members of society, normalization is not an unattainable goal, but one they are naturally trying to reach, despite setbacks and struggles. When we develop a mindfulness of ways we can guide our children and remove obstacles when necessary, we will see them doing the work they are created to do.


As always, thank you so much for reading! For more posts on preparing the guide: Model | Becoming a Positive Parent | Why We Need Errors to Grow



If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me. And if you are interested in following along in our daily adventures, follow us on Instagram where I post daily.

God bless,
Olivia Fischer